For the Love of a Brother
by probablyawful
Summary: Based on a two-year-old prompt on the Glee angst meme: "Puck keeps a picture of Beth's ultrasound in his wallet and looks at it all the time. Puck's little sister gets jealous and destroys the picture. Later she's worried and guilty when she sees Puck open his wallet and start crying. She knows it's all her fault." Rated T for use of f-word.


**A/N: This prompt wouldn't leave me alone! Found an old prompt on the Glee angst meme, and I decided to give it a go.**

**Prompt: **_**"**__**Puck keeps a picture of Beth's ultrasound in his wallet and looks at it all the time. Puck's little sister gets jealous and destroys the picture. Later she's worried and guilty when she sees Puck open his wallet and start crying. **__**She knows it's all her fault.»**_

**Let me just say that I suck at writing kids, but still I somehow love writing kids, so there you have it.**

At first it had seemed like the right thing to do.

No, that was a lie. It hadn't. But if she was going to be honest, it had felt really good. Not right, but good. Like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

Sarah Puckerman was seven years old. All her life she had spent in her big brother's presence. She was just a baby when their father left their family, and while their mother was off working a lot, Noah had been there to care for Sarah. It had always been the two of them. Just the two of them. Noah and Sarah.

Noah had been the one to put her in his lap and patch up her knee when she fell off her bike when she was five. He had been the one to hang up the swing in their garden when she was three. He drove her to school and sometimes back home again as well. He was always there, whenever she needed him. He was a part of her everyday-life.

It had always been that way.

Sure, they bickered and fought sometimes, but at the end of the day, they were always in each other's corners. Noah had somehow, miraculously, from the age of ten taken on the role of big brother, friend and father to her all at the same time.

Sarah hadn't ever really found herself thinking about it until he got that photo. And even more so when the baby was born.

That was when it for the first time in her life kicked in just how lucky she had been to have him around all the time.

Noah was different now. More distant. Sure, he still helped her with whatever she needed. Physically he was just as present as he'd always been. But he still just wasn't _there _anymore. His eyes were always glued to _that picture_, one way or another. She didn't even know what was so special about it. Sure, their mom had explained to her that that was how a baby looked when it still was in the mother's belly. She also told her that the unborn "baby" on the picture was going to be Noah's daughter.

Sarah knew the word 'jealousy', but she had never really felt the true meaning of it until now as she stood in the hallway, her eyes glued to Noah's wallet that had been left at the top of the drawer. Noah spent way too much time looking at that picture… He didn't really talk much about Beth. That was his "daughter's" name.

But when he did, Sarah could always tell that he loved her. And she could also tell that he thought about her a lot. So much that he never seemed to really be there anymore. He was just a ghost of his old self, and frankly, Sarah could just feel her big brother slip away, and it pained her that she couldn't do a thing about it.

First she had been excited, because she had thought he was going to get to keep the baby. Then she heard that he wouldn't, and the entire deal just seemed stupid to her. What was the point in obsessing over a daughter when she wasn't even yours?

Still… It was so easy to tell that he loved that baby, wherever she was now. _More than he ever loved her, _she couldn't help but think.

So she made up her mind. She slowly, hesitantly reached for his wallet. He never let her touch his stuff, but he was at work now, so there was no way he was going to find out. Not right away at least.

The wallet felt heavy in her hand, and she still wasn't really sure if this truly was what she wanted to do. She opened it hesitantly, almost in slow-motion, and she immediately started browsing through his pictures.

Correction: Picture.

There was only one.

_That picture._

No picture of Sarah. _So it was true? He loved that baby more than her?_

Feeling tears she would swear were of anger, but in truth were of something entirely different, she grabbed the picture and tore it in two. It felt good. So she folded it, and tore it in four. And six. And eight. And then she simply didn't know anymore.

She didn't bother cleaning it up. Figured she didn't need to. It wasn't until she passed her mom who was asleep on the couch, and walked into her room, that a thought came over her: _What would happen now?_

What would happen when Noah came home? Would he yell at her? Would he say anything? Would he even talk to her anymore?

Whatever happened, she was sure he at least would stop being weird and start being… Him again.

She tried to ignore that little voice in the back of her mind that told her that there was more to it than that.

**SPSPSPSPSPSP**

Fifteen minutes later, she heard steps in the hallway, and she knew Noah was home. She pricked her ears up, trying to identify every movement of his as she knew them. She heard him flip off his shoes, shrug off his jacket, drop his bag onto the floor, heard him walk a few steps…

There was a gasp.

Then nothing. It was quiet. So quiet, for such a long time.

And then a sound that made her heart twitch a little in her chest. There was no way for her to be absolutely sure, but she was pretty sure it had been a sob.

She sat up straighter in her bed, and almost unconsciously made her way across the room. She walked into the living room, and she could hear it now. Sniffing, unrestrained intakes of breath.

Noah was crying.

But he never cried…?

She actually couldn't remember seeing or hearing him cry in her entire life, and now listening to it, and moving closer and closer to witnessing it, scared her a little. But her feet wouldn't stop moving, and she made her way towards the hallway.

Noah had sat down against the wall, and he was clutching the small, torn pieces of paper in his hands. He looked… Broken. Much more broken and ruined than he had been during the last months.

And suddenly the thought struck Sarah: Nothing mattered anymore. It didn't matter that he was getting distant or silent. What mattered was that he was getting sadder, and now he seemed absolutely heartbroken.

She found a tear making its way down her cheek, as she realized that she had caused that. Single-handedly. Never in her life had she felt so cruel, and she hoped for the love of God that she would never have to feel like that ever again after this.

Catching a glimpse at the broken boy in front of her, her heart broke, and she realized something: He had been her rock all her life. He had always been there, always supported her, always let her lean on him, no matter what. Now was her chance to do the same for him.

If he would ever give her that chance…?

"It was me."

The words were spoken before she could contain herself. Noah always teased her about being a blabbermouth and maybe he had been right. She certainly couldn't seem to shut up for more than a few minutes at a time.

Noah looked up, only seeing her until now. His eyes were read and blood-shot, but his expression remained untouched. Aside from the tears in his eyes, it was impossible to read his mind. No matter what happened, Noah always seemed to keep his mask on, even if he was breaking down.

Sarah didn't know whether to admire that or be absolutely frightened by it.

She waited for him to say something. Anything. Or at least show some kind of emotion.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, and now she realized that her voice was broken too. Cracked.

She thought she could see something shift in his eyes, and that confusion appeared in them, but she wasn't sure.

"Why?"

His voice was hoarse and contained.

Sarah didn't know what to say. Her reasons had been… There had never been a reason, had there? She had been a stupid, spoiled, attention-seeking brat, and her brother had to pay for it.

"It doesn't matter," she quaked, - "I am so sorry…"

Noah shook his head. "Tell me, Sarah," he demanded, but there was no spirit left in his voice. It was… Dead.

"I thought you didn't love me anymore."

Noah's jaw dropped slightly, and a frown appeared on his features, keeping up an expression of complete disbelief. Then he let out a chuckle all of a sudden, but it didn't seem the least bit funny.

"Why would you think that?"

Sarah figured her best way out of this would be through honesty. "Because you're so different now," she stated, hoping he would understand, - "You're silent, and I got… I thought you loved your baby more than me."

Noah's expression softened a little. "You thought that?" he asked.

"I was wrong, I am so sorry, Noah…," Sarah said, and she realized she was openly crying now. Too bad she didn't have a care in the world about that right now. "Please don't hate me."

Noah just shook his head in disbelief. "I am more of a fuck up than I thought," he muttered, as he ran his hand through what little hair he had.

Sarah walked a few steps closer, hesitantly. She wasn't really afraid of Noah, she knew he would never hurt her, but just a few words of the bad kind from him now, would be enough to thoroughly break her.

"You're not," she stated, hoping she could convince him, - "Not to me."

Noah looked at he for a long while, before he shifted a little, patting the spot next to him, indicating for her to sit down. "C'mere."

Still a bit hesitantly, Sarah found herself moving closer, until she was sitting next to her brother. As soon as she sat down, she felt his arm around her shoulders.

She wanted to break down. She wanted to bury her face in his chest and sob out all the pain inside her like she used to when she got sad.

This wasn't a usual circumstance, though. Not by a long shot, which was why she tried to keep her breathing under control and her tears at bay.

_She didn't deserve to cry right now._

There was a long break between them, before Noah spoke. "I do love you Sarah," he stated, and it was spoken so casually but still so sincerely that she had to believe it, - "I love you and I love Beth. In very different ways, but just as much."

Sarah looked at him, and as her eyes met his, she finally let the tears fall. Tears she would curse herself for crying later, but that now were shed and wiped away on Noah's shirt. Noah ssh-ed her a couple of times, before he wrapped his arms around her and let her cry.

"I'm so sorry, Noah. I didn't mean it, I am so sorry…"

"I know, baby girl, I know…"

She didn't know for how long she was crying. It could've been half an hour, or it could've only been a few minutes, but when she was done crying, Noah spoke again: "Sarah, you have always been here."

There was a silence, where Noah obviously contemplated how to phrase his words. "I mean… I didn't build that swing for you, or scare away those kids who made fun of you because I had to. I did it because I loved you."

Sarah smiled slightly at the memories. Noah sighed. "It's always been us. We're Noah and Sarah, right?"

He attempted a grin, and he almost succeeded. Sarah just nodded, and wiped furiously at her eyes.

There was another break between them, before Noah patted her back, and slowly stood up. "Come on," he said, - "Let's get some dinner and let mom get her beauty sleep before she goes to work."

Sarah smiled as they walked into the kitchen.

**SPSPSPSPSP**

As they were eating, Sarah couldn't shake the thought that she still had to say something.

"Do you forgive me?"

Noah looked at her for a while, and then he nodded, as he took a bite of his food. "Yeah, I forgive you," he said. Then he sighed, and looked at her with a stern facial expression. "But don't pull anything like that again. It was a bitch move."

Sarah nodded. If there was one promise she could keep, it was that.

"Besides…," he said after a while, - "I still have her mom's mail-address. Might as well ask for a picture of her now."

Sarah didn't even know if Noah would be able to see his daughter's face again without having another breakdown, but that was another problem for another day. This time she just nodded encouragingly. She meant it whole-heartedly.

"Can I see the picture then?" she asked.

Noah gave a laugh. "Sure. Guess you're entitled, you're her aunt."

"Ew!" Sarah was disgusted. Aunts were annoying and weird, and mostly old, and they bought lame Hanukkah gifts and usually didn't know how to cook. "Aunts are weird."

Noah could just laugh at that.

Sarah didn't know what the future would hold after this. Didn't know if Noah would bring this up every time she disagreed with him. Didn't know if he would ever truly forgive her.

She hoped he would.

But one thing she knew for sure: Her big brother never left her. If anything, he stayed more contently than ever. And he loved her.

And at the moment, that was all that mattered to her.


End file.
